When it stopped..

Brakes screeching down the road and the vehicles collapsing, my body bumped into the footpath with constant bones smashing whilst I slid among the cars and bikes on the road. I heard different voices, people started gathering around me and I was looking at them motionless. I tried to keep my eyes wide open, but even my eyelashes were aching. A beggar aged no more than ten was sitting next to me and cleaning the blood on my forehead with his dirty shirt.

I thought of the time I overheard pleads of begging while driving my car or mostly playing pranks on them with my friends. Yelling or bellowing them abusively on signals or in the parking lots of the lavished shopping malls or restaurants.

I heard someone was calling the ambulance where I started to unfold myself, but failed several times. Hot red blood was now dripping from my wounds as the kid was nowhere around. I tried to shout, but failed. In a while I heard of an ambulance siren and people making way for the stretcher.

I thought of the time I always overridden ambulances and overheard the siren of while driving recklessly not providing space and risking lives of god knows how many.

I was now in the ambulance and it was heading towards the hospital. The nurse was now cleaning my wounds and applying antiseptic creams.

I thought of the time when I shuddered over the caring and sympathetic behavior of my family and my overgrown anger when my mom tried to care for me, by any means.

I started feeling myself. The nurse rubbed and pressed my wound and I grasped the rod of my stretcher more tightly. The blood was now again dripping and I heard of him talking to the driver to speed up as I am not in a good situation. My wounds have already shed a lot of blood and I’ll be going in a critical condition.

I thought of the moments when I hurt others. My family. My friends. And everyone who relates to me. Now! I started to begin getting worried of not returning to my normal life. A carefree life I was passing with no tensions and worries, where I was the captain of my fate, but now I wasn't sure of a safe return. My heart clenched. I wanted everyone back. I never thought of going like this.

The ambulance stopped and I was shifted to my room. I tried to bring my words to my mouth, but I failed again. I tried to grab my cell phone, but every part of my body was aching. The anesthesia, the nurse applied is now getting weak. I was shifted to the ICU.

I thought of the time when I always hated being in a hospital, when I joked around at the funerals, when I never thought of being in a condition I was now surrounded with, when I took my life easier than anything, when I played around the unwell people. I really wanted to talk to my family, my friends, wanted to confess every misdeed I do, but there’s no way clear.

It happened and I was given a period of a week. I was unconscious for a whole three days. Now, mom is sitting next to me and praying. Dad is standing by the window and staring at the outer world. I tried to talk, but I blocked. I'm still not able to confess anything  I've never been this miserable in my life. I was enjoying my life, but this has to happen. All of a sudden, my siblings and my cousins entered in my room. They were saying something to me, but I was unable to listen. I watched them with an unblinking stare. I tried to smile, but my face muscles didn't allow me. I stared on the wall where a painting was stringed up with some Arabic written and I was unable to read.

I thought of the time I disregard the calling of my mom for prayers, she tried her best to teach me the ways how to pray, but I never pay heed to it. I used to read Quran, but now I can't even read a single line. I thought of the moments when I was asked to turn off my laptop or my music player and I ignored the times of prayers. When I never lowered my volume on the sign of “no music” passing by the Mosques, and this time, now, I need this most. I wanted to pray. I wanted to plead God for my forgiveness. When I wanted to confess my faults and misdeeds, but the time has passed.

There was a day left in my deadline, but nothing has changed. I was lying motionless with only a sound of electrocardiogram in my room and a tube of ventilator attached to me. I was numb and trying to pray to God as I was able to. My family was not around. They were not allowed inside. A nurse was resting near my bed and there was no movement rest than her fingers changing the pages of a book, she was reading, I was unable to read the title.

All of a sudden, I saw doctor entering my room, and there I caught a glimpse of my dad trying to get inside, but was pushed back by the ward boy. I tried to get off my bed and shove that ward boy’s head off his body, but I failed. In this hurry I heard of the ventilator’s sound go straight. I felt my heart contracting, my eyes rolled down. I couldn’t hear what they were talking, but there was something terribly wrong. I tried to get off my bed, but again a failure. The doctor was pushing my chest now. He was trying to make my heart pump, but it was not working. There was nothing I was able to hear, but only a soul-shaking constant sound of a beep coming from the ECG indicating my heartbeat steady and my heart not pumping pushing me towards the eternal peaceful destination. I was not ready for this, but I really wanted to talk to my family and friends, or just to get a glimpse. The doctor again pushed my chest hardly. A tear of misery, desolation, agony, despair, grief, misfortune an immorality rolled down my eye and rested on my cheek until the doctor pressed my chest again and it dripped off my cheek too. I felt a sudden shock when the doctor pressed my chest with an electric shock pad. I jolted. He again pressed it on my chest. I hoped again and heard a moving beep on the ECG. I heard the doctor said “Shukar Allah (Thank God).”